Things My Dad Said

In honor of Father's Day, I've been posting #thingsmydadsaid on Twitter. I've compiled the list, which is below. Thanks dad, for your sage advice & funny words over the years!

"I bought you a motorcycle."

"Don't touch the pipes. They're hot."

"What do you need art supplies for?"

"I can pull that tooth for you. Go get my water-pump pliers. They're the ones with the bent pincers."

"If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you?"

"You can ride the motorcycle on the road after you ride up and down this gravel-road hill 300 times in 1st gear."

"Go cook something. Your mom's tired."

"You wanna go WHERE?"

"There could be something living under that bed of yours & you'd never know it"

"Come out here & help me bleed these brakes..."

"What am I, a bank?"

"Nikki, your problem is you just don't care"

"Where did you put my tools?"

"Marry them for their money, bc the rest, the all have." (Did I freekin' LISTEN? Noooo)

"Nobody buys a cow if they get milk for free."

"Plug in a nightlight. The dark could be deadly." (I like my house as dark as a CAVE at night, LOL)

"Shut your drapes. It pays to advertise."

"You can't live on peanut-butter & jelly and spaghettios."

"I have to run over to Booty Black's house & pick up some parts."

"You can pick your friends. And you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose."

"Does Jacki live here now? or did I miss something?"

"Never go barefoot. I stepped on a bee when I was six." (I only wear shoes when I have to)

"You shouldn't get a tattoo. Though tattoos are some really beautiful art."

"Never call me from jail. You'll sit there because I'm not gonna post your bond."

"He needs 2 hats like that stupid one. One to crap in, and the other to cover it up with."

"Your mom doesn't like the way you're behaving. Now *I* have to start going to church."

"Don't put anything in writing if you wouldn't want to read it in the newspaper."

"Don't wear name labels. They should pay YOU for advertising for them instead of you paying extra to wear their name"

"Get up and DO something. Even if it's wrong."

"You need a new overhead cam in the truck. This is the LAST money I'm gonna spend on it."

"Do you realize what ADIDAS means?" (yeah, if you're eleven...)

"Take your mom's hand-me-downs. If they don't fit, they will." (over my dead body, LOL)

"If you don't have the receipt, you can't return it."

"You have so much art in you! You could have made a lot of money! But you've wasted your life wiping butts & noses instead"

"Is that tattoo a stick-on?"

"So, have you wrecked the bike yet?"